A random poem i came up with - tried a different style to my usual :)?

I loved it. Just keep in mind line equivalence- the notion that every line delivered should have as much weight as each other. some of the lines like 'for allowing' do not have as much value as 'as a blush blooms' for instance. Perhaps some of your lines did not need to be so short, infact you could use the lines as a technique to built up the tension in your poem which is in itself a tense poem with an underlying anxious feel. Make your content generate the form in which you write. Great work thought- better than most of the stuff on Y!A ;) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx