I feel far from a happy optimistic Leo?

It sounds like you're living your life for everyone else. It's nice being generous but you can't give everything to others and keep nothing for yourself. Personally I think birth charts mean nothing. How can the whole population be grouped into 12 set categories? We are all individuals, no two people are exactly the same. It seems to me that you need to work on your self esteem. You need to take some time to find who you are, what you enjoy and what you want from life. I used to feel how you describe. I joined the gym, I find the progression in my fitness and appearance gives me a focus. I actually see things in a different light after a work out. This isn't a path you have to take but hopefully you get the picture. Find your meaning, it will be unique to you.